At one point, the manager approached the kitchen with a customer in tow. He signaled to one of the chefs. “The steak was terrific,” the customer gushed, kissing his fingers in tribute. “I was most impressed.” The manager beamed as a cry went up among the cooks. “Salute, salute!” The waitstaff in the area paused to applaud their colleague.

The scene brought a tear to my eye. How many nurses ever take the time to praise a teammate for a job well done? Sure, many of our clients express their gratitude with chocolate, fruit, small gifts, maybe even a complimentary letter to administration — and those gestures are as lovely as they are unnecessary.

But when was the last time you said to a colleague, “Hey, I heard what you said to Mr. Jones, and it was just what he needed to hear. Good job.” Or, “Wow, that was an impressive IV start in a difficult-to-stick kid. You’re amazing!” Or, even, “Cool scrubs. You look especially nice today.”

These are the kinds of pats on the back that Tom Connellan, in his book, Inside the Magic Kingdom —Seven Keys to Disney’s Success, refers to as emotional income,¹ and they are as important to most of us as our paychecks. They tell us that we are appreciated for more than just showing up and making it through a shift without biting anybody.

Like me, many of the nurses I have worked with over the years have come to nursing after time spent in other careers and different work settings. This won’t make me popular, but some of us theorize that one of the reasons we have a difficult time complimenting one another is that we are a workforce made up largely of women. And women, like it or not, have a strong sense of competition that can get in the way of giving real emotional support to one another.

Further, many of us work in situations where the only time we hear about the quality of our work is when it has been less than stellar. We’re called on the carpet for infractions so minor we’ve all but forgotten them. We’re “spoken to” without an opportunity to share the other side and treated like naughty little girls instead of the well-educated, responsible women we are.

What to do about this? Stop acting like a naughty little girl. Give compliments freely to colleagues when they are deserved, and give them in front of others. Apologize sincerely when an apology is due, remembering that a real apology begins and ends with “I’m sorry,” and does not go on to “I’m sorry you were offended.” That implies a certain unjustified sensitivity on the part of the intended recipient.

For managers and administrators — don’t just leave notes in team members’ mailboxes. Consider praising your staff individually — and in front of their colleagues — for their contributions to the smooth running of the units. You’ll be surprised at the change in the atmosphere. Your staff will look forward to coming in to work, and may be more willing to go that extra mile when their efforts are recognized and appreciated rather than expected.

Staff members who are supportive of one another understand the importance of emotional income and can pass those rewards on to patients. Let’s have more “salute, salute” and less “tsk, tsk.” The kind of bitterness the latter generates can only, in the end, spoil the stew.